Meet Miss Courtney Awesome. The controversial Young Machete Mafia blogger from Newcastle has kindly provided us with her lo-down on London Fashion Week - the good, the bad and the ugly through the eyes of our favourite potty-mouthed fashionista. London Fashion Week from A to V.. not half as amazing as New York, but pretty neat anyway. Lots of colours and textures and a lot of space aged retro. And some damn freaky weird shit.

Aquascutum sounds too much like aquascrotum, so they lose straight up. But the collection had balls. HA!

Armand Basi One heaps of gnarly sheers and ruffles and all that black and bold jazz. a little bit predictable, a little bit alexander wang, a little bit abd. dominatrix ballet mod squad, been there already duuudde.

Basso & Brooke's collection is so frickin bright! so many mishy mashy colours. kind of like the Romance was Born/kathryn Del barton collection. but less freaky deeeky. london needs to step up because i just keep getting the feeling i've seen this all before. bummer. too much hype here and too much Balenciaga S/S 08

Charles Anastase frickin' brought it! mixing the whole 'sheer is here' thingy with sweet slutty catholic school vibes. kind of little house on the prairie vs. singing in the rain. this whole sheer epidemic is a pretty good indication all women should start a VIP account with Agent Provocateur, or get model nipples asap. I for one, do not have model nipples. mine look like chewed hubba bubba under a school desk or a bus stop.

Christopher Kane can do no wrong really. i like him because he isn't a huge pussy, nor is he one of those dick heads who think since they went to St Martins they are like fricking gooooddddds with a janome. right dudes just chill the fuck out. anyway, it was so bright, then it was dark, then it was just all wow and shit! like a solar eclipse! an agent orange solar eclipse. the skirts kind of looked like a bunch of coffee filters layered into a paper lantern from the reject shop. but in a heaps awesome 'i'd pay this many $$$$$$$$' kind of way. in one sentence- 'circles gorillas and sheers, oh my!' that said, the fur trim featured on some dresses i seriously hope did not come from the yogo gorilla.

Eley Kishimoto WHAT A FREAKING LET DOWN!! I'm pretty bummed out on a personal level. like, i had pretty big expectations but BLAMMM! shattered! this collection is so boring. like seriously, some of this shit could be bad ass on its own, or styled totally different but C'mon! a runway show is supposed to present a mood, and all i got was a crappy, roxy could knock this off, i think i'll see this in miss shop soon, frumpy, boring, spray tanned, boring, teen vibe. the colours were pretty and nice but it was lame. lammmmeee. better luck next year snoozefestimoto.

Giles - Giles Freakin' Deacon! again, christopher kane and giles deacon are two of my favourites when it comes to life. Giles Because he is edgy and he is forward but he IS wearable. he doesn't just throw crap on the runway to be all hoity-toity about shit. we got shiny blacks and matt sheer (more model nipples) black white and yellow... amazing prints on the fabrics... weird feather neck braces... space pants... can't really lose here! great structure. and pink! dear god i love pink! martini swigging' housewives in space.

House of Holland - 50/50 failure. okay i like raves just as much as the next person. which is not at fucking all. that is why, sometimes i hate henry holland and what he is doing. but hey, some of his stuff is actually lovely. cutting holes out of stuff, putting dudes in sheer floral outfit.... rolled up saggy jean cuffs? do you really want to encourage this kind of behaviour? i mean, those slogan tees were great man, i bought a karen walker one. but i actually never wore it out of the house, for fear of looking lame. plus, mustard looks crap on everyone. anyway! floral and cool, light denim is cool.. and i totally loved the massive spots! OH! and the flower background shit. great presentation, shame about the lame arse clothing. looks like a reject bin at Andrea Crews. so here's the good pictures!

Josh Goot So i'm totally into the amazing colours here! the cuts are completely amazing. like... wow. its all so gorgeous and simple and clean. which is so nice to see sometimes. it can be far more refreshing that shit that way over the top and bad ass. too bad i can't afford a fucking thing. siiigghhh. I'm just pasty as fuck and a sucker for pastels and clean shit.

Luella Bartley Is a fucking genius in my books, but, not so much with this collection. her previous two have been so stand out, that this just does not cut it for me. yes its beautiful and colourful and gorgeous but it lacks the edge i have grown accustomed to. yeah cool, spring colours and lots of ruffles. one shoulders are back which is great if you aren't fat or normal looking. 2 points for the good colours, fail for the rest.

Nathan Jenden totally awesome colours. kind of a glamourous power dressing eighties pirate in a technicolour daze. i like the use of textuaral effects. 'i want candy' is always a great start to a theme, especially for chubby candy addict bloggers. he gots my props. i love bright big bird yellow with candy pink. it just looks so fun. Its sugar sweet with a spoonful of nastyness... the good nasty!

Roksanda Ilincic the collection oozed sexiness and textures that just heighted the sexuality. made you want to roll around in a gown made of silk and tulle and just babe out in a futuristic goddess kind of way. makes me think of costumes in sci fi movies that have the distinct throw back to days of glamour and luxury with insane gravity defying structure. y'know, with class and shit. where even the robots wear velvet capes. loving the rosettes every where. kind of not so sure about the weird metallic looking $2 christmas decorations....

Sinha-Stanic some of the suits were super cool. got me all warm and fuzzy for my gossip girl crush Chuck Bass. if chuck were a girl he would wear these suits. babe. thats about all, the rest of the dresses and metallics were heaps cougar/ mother of the bride.

Vivienne Westwood Red Label BORRRING! TOTALLY UNINSPIRING. no pictures because it just plain old sucked balls.

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